An interesting post was put up by my friend the other day about writing your own eulogy. I have thought of this a little not so much as wanting it to focus on my own life but for others to portray me in the way that I would prefer – which is ridiculous because you can only be portrayed in the way that others feel not in the way you want them to fell.
Anyway it is 3am and I am awake because of severe chest pains on my left hand side – knowing that is 99% likely to be muscular but I also think it is a great excuse to do this just in case these sharp pains in the region of my heart happen to produce something more than a stitch!
So here is a crack not so much at my eulogy but how I would want to be remembered if I was at my own celebration of life – a ‘Life Celebration’ not a funeral as I don’t want one of them…
Death does not have to be sad. A funeral does not have to be a place and a time for grieving. If I was able to be the director of my own funeral I would call it a ‘Life Celebration’. We should have two reasons to celebrate at the death of anyone:
- To think of the wonderful times and memories spent in the company of that person and relive them
- To be thankful for the precious time we have on earth with our own timelines not really knowing when that timeline will come to an end – not to be scared about just to be appreciative of it
See I believe we have greater power in remembering someone for who they were, how they interacted with you and what good memories you have of them rather than grieving about what should, could and might have been. At a ‘life celebration’ (funeral) I believe we should not be sad for the experiences we won’t have, but be joyous about the experiences we did have with the person in question (ie. me!).
I totally acknowledge there needs to be a grieving process and we cannot help but miss someone and have a little hole in our lives but I would want for the hour or so that would be dedicated to remember someone with others that it be spent celebrating with laughter, jokes, stories, excitement and joy just as if someone had just had a new born baby.
The venue for my own ‘life celebration’ would be out in the open, somewhere around nature and not being put in a box in an institution that has certain preconceptions that are already associated with death, sadness and grieving. I am not saying that I don’t believe in religion but my spirituality is at it’s greatest amongst the best things in life – people and nature and this is were someone’s life like mine can be celebrated the most. If you decided you need ceremony – plant a fruit tree for me and maybe one day it will bear fruit and be a nice reminder of the day and possibly me.
If there was the need for people to say a few things at this ‘life celebration’ and I had my own little two-minute slot I would be saying something like this:
It is a wonderful occasion that we gather together today to remember, celebrate and share together the wonderful time and experiences we might have shared with d’Arcy. We ultimately don’t choose when our timeline comes to and end and if it is sooner or later than others then this is just the way the world works and often I believe and use the saying todos conspirer para inspirer (all things conspire to inspire).
I hope today can be a day to reflect, compare, laugh and think of possible lessons learnt about what d’Arcy meant to each of you. d’Arcy’s way of life maybe wasn’t the way of life you would maybe choose for yourself but it is worth thinking about the little bits of him that you remember and might take with you each day in your daily lives and this is the greatest honour to do for someone who can’t be here with you today or future days but who you can let live on into the future. This is not about glorifying d’Arcy it is about improving your own life, appreciating d’Arcy and what you can most get out of the role he played in life – and this can mean for the good and bad traits of him!
Again I encourage you today to not have the corners of your mouth pointing down but to make sure they are raised high and that the ‘life celebration’ is a time to be happy to have shared time with d’Arcy and know that we all come to life with an unknown number of days. You should all be happy knowing that d’Arcy appreciated every day that was gifted to him and only hopes for everyone to have the opportunity to do the same.
So on with the party in these simple but beautiful surroundings…!
I guess my reason for writing this and for putting it on a blog is to show how I approach death (not just of my own) and how I hope to be remembered (not only in death but in the present day). I don’t think making a martyr of someone once they have passed does any good as we all have significant and important lives but they are no more significant and important than anyone else’s, just different.
I think having a go at writing something like this is a great and wonderful cleansing experience and could be useful to share so that others know how you see yourself in the world and if the opportunity came to be that you needed to have a ‘life celebration’ your friends and family would have a chance to at least acknowledge how you would like to be remembered.
But remember a ‘life celebration’ (or funeral) is not really about the person who has finished their elected time on the planet, it is about those who are still there the following days and how best they celebrate, cope, grieve and move forward. That means this blog is not an expectation of how I may want to be remembered – it is purely how I would cope with the end of an era for myself (or someone else).
A slightly deep, self-important and different kind of blog and thing to do but also very thought provoking, a positive and nice thing to do.
Thanks for the hint from my friend to sit down and do this. Now I just have to hope that these insane chest pains will either go away or I will… 😉
Sorry a long one and no pictures…